i was super BORED.
so i went to search for jokes. lol.

JOKES
WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON'T USE IT CORRECTLY

Ah Beng was travelling in a crowded bus. As he took out his wallet to pay the fare, his passport-size photograph accidentally fell from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's long sari. He asked her "Can you lift up your sari? I wanna take photograph"
He was beaten up so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see his Singaporean friend, Ah Seng, on the bed next to him, in a worse condition.
Ah Seng explained what happened to him. He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. "Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked: "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked, "Why?"
Ah Seng replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night....."
The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital bed.

Cosmetic Surgeon
And so there was this cosmetic surgeon who was sitting in his consultation room chatting to his friend.

In the middle of a conversation, a gorgeous female walked into the room and kissed the surgeon and said:

"Thank you so much! You have done wonder to my body and look. I was an ugly duckling before that and now I looked like a princess."

When the gorgeous lady left the room, the surgeon's friend asked: "Wow, who was that? You have certainly done a good job."

The surgeon replied: "Oh, that was my mum." and they carried on with their conversation.

A moment later, another lady walked into his room. This lady was even more gorgeous than the first one and she too came round and kissed the surgeon:
"Thank you so much! You have really made me look 20 years younger. Those face lift and liposuction have certainly worked wonder to my look. How can I
ever thank you!"

As the lady left the room, his friend asked again: "Bloody hell. who was that? she sure looks like a supermodel. I am really impressed with your surgery skills now." The surgeon replied: "Oh, that was just my wife."

They then carried on with their normal conversation. Then suddenly a third lady walked into the room. This lady has a perfect body and the look was so beautiful it was beyond this world. She was even more gorgeous than the first two ladies. She stormed towards the surgeon and gave him a big slap, yelling: "You bastard. Look at what you have done to my body! You have ruined my life!! I hope you will die in hell."

As the lady stormed away, the surgeon's friend turned round to him with a puzzled look. The surgeon shook his head and responded: "Let's not talk about it.....that was my father."

Condom Sales Man
A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a train

Along come this woman and seeing this two cute babies started asking then man, " Aren't they cute, what is their names?"

The man give the lady an angry look and replied, " I don't know."

The Lady ask again,"Which is the boy and which is the gal?"

The man looked angrier then before and replied, "I don't know."

The woman then started scolding the man, What kind of father you are?"

The man replied, "I'm not their father, I'm just a condom sales man and there are the two complain I'm taking back to my company."

DEAR DAD
A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad" With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and mum. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love your son, John.




PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.